Early on into the relationship you told me in jest I could 'customise' the softness of your chest. Did I want it hard, or did I want it soft? I think I might have said, "This. Like this, is perfect." And then I leaned in and pressed my ear to your chest and just listened to your thumping heart and felt the warmth of your body against my face.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
I loved how my head reached just the right part of your chest when I leaned into you. I loved how your arms fit right around me and how our lips met at just the right height when I tip-toed. I loved how my body fit into yours when we spooned at night, and I loved how your face fit my cupped hands when I held it to whisper in your ears. And that even though you were tall and I was short, that you were big, and I was small, somehow we felt right.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Much of my life had been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people who loved me, so I knew what Augustus was doing. You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but a Sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile.
Do you know when you've lost something - like your favourite T-shirt or a set of keys - and while looking for it, you come across something else you once missed but have long since forgotten? Weill whatever it was, there was a point where you decided to stop searching, maybe because it was no longer required or a new replacement was found. It is almost as if it never existed in the first place - until that moment of rediscover, a flash of recognition.
Everyone has one - an inventory of lost things waiting to be found. Yearning to be acknowledged for the worth they once held in your life.
I think this is where I belong - among all your other lost things. A crumpled note at ht bottom of a drawer or an old photograph pressed between the pages of a book. I hope someday you will find me and remember what I once meant to you.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
One day, whether you
you will stumble upon
someone who will start
a fire in you that cannot die.
However, the saddest,
most awful truth
you will ever come to find––
is they are not always
with whom we spend our lives.
Sunday, July 06, 2014
Do you remember how I would always sit so close to you you'd tell me to move away because you didn't have space? I've always just wanted to be near you, right next to you, lean into you, be able to touch you, kiss you, turn my head and whisper in your ear, I love you.